We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize