every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
