what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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