I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize