i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
