hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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