I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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