why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
