god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize