you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
