I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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