I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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