I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
