she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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