Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
