You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
