I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
