Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
