Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
FUCK WHALES
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
