if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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