How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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