she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's never too late to be topless.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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