yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
wanna go halves on a baby?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
