she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
