Cold hands, warm shart.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
