strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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