Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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