If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
