Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
