Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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