i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
