But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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