WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
