: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Randomize
