No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
