Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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