So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
