so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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