Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you made out with another girl for some wings
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
