This is not my ceiling
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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