So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
