A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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