We won't sleep together?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
