my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
