I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
