If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
