can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
