1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
