They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
