Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
