dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
