Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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