This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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