I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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