me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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