Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
