At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
