ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
