Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
