when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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