we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
