this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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