Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
