Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
