nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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