one two three fourrrrnication!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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