New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
