You just made me feel so damn special
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You may now shotgun with the bride
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
